I've finally arrived in Nicaragua!
It's been a whirlwind the past few days and I'm so sleep deprived that I'm a walking zombie and really haven't been able to absorb what's going on around me.
To make a long story short, I've been waking up way too early the past two days (4AM and 2AM) that it should come at no surprise that I slept throughout most of the flights. But, I also had the pleasantry of seating in the middle seat between two men that I didn't know on both flights; so there were some moments where I caught myself sleeping/leaning a little too close to my travel companions. On a positive note, I didn't drool on anyone that would've been embarrassing!
Let's see....arriving in Nicaragua is like walking into an oven. I'm already struggling to lug around 4 rather heavy bags, which is quite the workout, then I'm greeted with a hot and humid atmosphere as we wait outside the airport for a school bus to come pick us up. I was quite sweaty by the end of our journey, like hot yoga sweaty (gross, I know!). Driving through Managua from the airport to our training compound was not the most scenic route. As I was gazing out the school bus window, the scene reminded me a lot of Nairobi.
Right now, I'm staying in a training compound where I'll be overloaded with information and paperwork; but on the upside I've been able to cool down, and I'll have WiFi YAY! I'm rather tired and am trying to absorb as much as I can, but my neurons seem to be slowing down. I'll keep you posted with any new and exciting information, like my roommate just told me she found a large, luckily dead cockroach in our room; at least it wasn't a rat!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Minor panic attacks
The countdown is down to just 9 days!
Let me stop and catch my breath, the realization that I'm leaving for Nicaragua to live there for 27 months in just 9 days is truly beginning to sink and has got me freaking out just a tad.
I'm really not ready at all. The other day I tried to separate what I need to pack/might pack/won't pack and made lists of things I still need to get and still need to do before departure. This process was rather overwhelming so I just left my room a mess and fled the scene without looking back. This packing thing has engulfed my worries so much that I've been having nightmares that I arrive in Nicaragua to find that I've forgotten the basic necessities and lots of other essential things. For the past 4 days I've tried not to think about it. But there are constant reminders, like...
Panic attack #2: I've been spending money like I'm a millionaire, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I've got way more money flying out the door than coming in and even though I'm freaking out about it, it really doesn't faze me to say no to going out with friends or finding more things to buy at REI and Target. I just keep swiping my check card and then a couple of days later have a mini heart attack looking at the dwindling numbers of my bank account. Oh well...
Panic attack #3: Family members getting too sentimental. My mom started crying the other day talking about how much she's going to miss me and worry about me. My mom even played out the scene of when she drops me off at the airport and says goodbye. My grandma told me she misses me already and I haven't even left yet. My cousins who are 5 and 8 keep reminding me how many holidays and birthdays I'm going to miss and predict how tall they're going to be when I return. All of their sentimentality is very touching, but I'm trying to keep it all together (for them and for myself). I'm not sure how much longer it will be until I break down and start crying over every little thing, but I have feeling as the amount of panic attacks grow, my stress level rises and the number of nightmares occurring increases; I'm going to reach my breaking point and the flood gates will open.
Let me stop and catch my breath, the realization that I'm leaving for Nicaragua to live there for 27 months in just 9 days is truly beginning to sink and has got me freaking out just a tad.
I'm really not ready at all. The other day I tried to separate what I need to pack/might pack/won't pack and made lists of things I still need to get and still need to do before departure. This process was rather overwhelming so I just left my room a mess and fled the scene without looking back. This packing thing has engulfed my worries so much that I've been having nightmares that I arrive in Nicaragua to find that I've forgotten the basic necessities and lots of other essential things. For the past 4 days I've tried not to think about it. But there are constant reminders, like...
Panic attack #2: I've been spending money like I'm a millionaire, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I've got way more money flying out the door than coming in and even though I'm freaking out about it, it really doesn't faze me to say no to going out with friends or finding more things to buy at REI and Target. I just keep swiping my check card and then a couple of days later have a mini heart attack looking at the dwindling numbers of my bank account. Oh well...
Panic attack #3: Family members getting too sentimental. My mom started crying the other day talking about how much she's going to miss me and worry about me. My mom even played out the scene of when she drops me off at the airport and says goodbye. My grandma told me she misses me already and I haven't even left yet. My cousins who are 5 and 8 keep reminding me how many holidays and birthdays I'm going to miss and predict how tall they're going to be when I return. All of their sentimentality is very touching, but I'm trying to keep it all together (for them and for myself). I'm not sure how much longer it will be until I break down and start crying over every little thing, but I have feeling as the amount of panic attacks grow, my stress level rises and the number of nightmares occurring increases; I'm going to reach my breaking point and the flood gates will open.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Adios Minnesota
My countdown to departure continues....15 days!
As my departure date creeps closer and closer the number of goodbyes grows bigger and bigger. This was my last official weekend in Minnesota and tomorrow I will pack up the remaining things (which is pretty sparse) in my apartment and make my way to Wisconsin. This last weekend in Minnesota was the best! I spent the weekend with a group of great friends and had a bit too much fun, maybe.
Although today was pretty hard to say goodbye to everyone. I'm going to miss my friends and family so much and it's really difficult saying "goodbye, I'll see you later" when I don't know when later is. I don't know what I'm going to do without them. I do know some of my friends are seeking replacements for me, good luck! If a replacement is brought in they better not get too comfortable because I do plan on coming back and resuming my position.
There are so many things I'm going to miss about Minnesota and others that I'm not going to miss at all.
I will miss: family, friends, the lakes, the Current, Corepower Yoga, Grand Ave., my school and students, the cherry and spoon, DL, and much much more.
I will not miss: 9 month winters, feet and feet of snow, subzero temperatures, Minnesotan accents you betcha!, terrible sports teams; there's really not all that many negatives other than weather related topics.
And since I've grown such a disdain for Minnesotan winters I've officially decided I don't plan on coming back for visits during October - May because there's a possibility that Minnesota will be experiencing snow and winter conditions. My visits will be in June - September because the summer is the best season!
On that note, hasta la vista Minnesota I'll be back!
As my departure date creeps closer and closer the number of goodbyes grows bigger and bigger. This was my last official weekend in Minnesota and tomorrow I will pack up the remaining things (which is pretty sparse) in my apartment and make my way to Wisconsin. This last weekend in Minnesota was the best! I spent the weekend with a group of great friends and had a bit too much fun, maybe.
Although today was pretty hard to say goodbye to everyone. I'm going to miss my friends and family so much and it's really difficult saying "goodbye, I'll see you later" when I don't know when later is. I don't know what I'm going to do without them. I do know some of my friends are seeking replacements for me, good luck! If a replacement is brought in they better not get too comfortable because I do plan on coming back and resuming my position.
There are so many things I'm going to miss about Minnesota and others that I'm not going to miss at all.
I will miss: family, friends, the lakes, the Current, Corepower Yoga, Grand Ave., my school and students, the cherry and spoon, DL, and much much more.
I will not miss: 9 month winters, feet and feet of snow, subzero temperatures, Minnesotan accents you betcha!, terrible sports teams; there's really not all that many negatives other than weather related topics.
And since I've grown such a disdain for Minnesotan winters I've officially decided I don't plan on coming back for visits during October - May because there's a possibility that Minnesota will be experiencing snow and winter conditions. My visits will be in June - September because the summer is the best season!
On that note, hasta la vista Minnesota I'll be back!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Packing, packing, and more packing
My departure to Nicaragua is closely approaching, about 4 weeks until I say adios to the US; but my goodbye to Minnesota is coming even sooner. August 15 will be my official last day in Minnesota:( then it's off to Wisconsin for the last two weeks. For the next two weeks I won't be homeless, but I'll be rather possession-less. Even though I'll be living in my apartment in Minnesota until August 15, my mom and brother are coming up tomorrow to help me move most of my things out of my apartment and into her basement to be stored for the next two years. So I get two weeks on an air mattress and a duffel bag of clothes! YAY!
I'm really hating this process:
1) I'm a huge procrastinator, hence the reason I'm posting on my blog versus packing and cleaning my apartment. Also for this reason I can totally see myself waiting until the night before to pack for Nicaragua.
2) I like to be organized, so I would ideally like to have things that I'm taking to Nicaragua packed separately from things that I'm leaving behind; but see reason #1 and that explains the word ideally and how it most likely will not be organized.
3) And the biggest issue....What am I taking to Nicaragua? The things that I'm not taking, will I want them within the next 2 years? Will I want them when I return to the US? Am I really willing to get rid of everything to be totally possession-less upon return?
I've definitely been scaling down over the past few months, by donating or tossing out things that I don't need/use, and most of my furniture is being passed on to my brother (one of the reasons that my possessions are being moved out before me). So I really won't have all that much to store while I'm gone, but there are some things that I just can't seem to part with. It's not so much about my attachment to the things, it's more like a security blanket for me. I'm having a difficult time imagining myself returning from this experience with absolutely nothing and having to start completely from square one. It's not like I can't do it; I've done it before when I first moved out, and the thought of 'will I even want the things that I kept', has crossed my mind. I don't know, luckily I still have some time to answer the big packing questions.
P.S. It's even more official now. I've received my staging material and booked my flight to DC. I depart Madison, WI on August 30 for DC, then depart Washington DC on August 31 for Nicaragua.
I'm really hating this process:
1) I'm a huge procrastinator, hence the reason I'm posting on my blog versus packing and cleaning my apartment. Also for this reason I can totally see myself waiting until the night before to pack for Nicaragua.
2) I like to be organized, so I would ideally like to have things that I'm taking to Nicaragua packed separately from things that I'm leaving behind; but see reason #1 and that explains the word ideally and how it most likely will not be organized.
3) And the biggest issue....What am I taking to Nicaragua? The things that I'm not taking, will I want them within the next 2 years? Will I want them when I return to the US? Am I really willing to get rid of everything to be totally possession-less upon return?
I've definitely been scaling down over the past few months, by donating or tossing out things that I don't need/use, and most of my furniture is being passed on to my brother (one of the reasons that my possessions are being moved out before me). So I really won't have all that much to store while I'm gone, but there are some things that I just can't seem to part with. It's not so much about my attachment to the things, it's more like a security blanket for me. I'm having a difficult time imagining myself returning from this experience with absolutely nothing and having to start completely from square one. It's not like I can't do it; I've done it before when I first moved out, and the thought of 'will I even want the things that I kept', has crossed my mind. I don't know, luckily I still have some time to answer the big packing questions.
P.S. It's even more official now. I've received my staging material and booked my flight to DC. I depart Madison, WI on August 30 for DC, then depart Washington DC on August 31 for Nicaragua.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Let the countdown begin....
48 days until departure....
I'm reading a really great book that I recommend to everyone, Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists by Courtney E. Martin. It's come at a perfect time and this excerpt is on the first page of the book.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others will destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
- written on the wall in Mother Theresa's home for children in Calcutta
This is what I'll come back to every time I'm doubting myself and my efforts.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
It's Official
What?!? The waiting game is finally over and I've been officially invited to serve in the Peace Corps.....
My assignment: Environmental Educator in Nicaragua.
My departure date: August 30, 2011.
My service dates: November 21, 2011 - November 22, 2013.
I know I've been waiting for this information to reach me for what seems like forever, but now that it has I'm freaking out just a little bit. I think I'm just so overwhelmed because it's all just happening so fast now.
For almost a year now the only information I had was my nomination for Africa in July, well the time to be notified for that came and went without any word. Then I receive emails about budgets being cut and departure dates being pushed back as far as January 2012. At this point, I'm starting to lose my patience, and wonder what I'm suppose to do while I wait. Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long. I get a call from a PC Placement Officer, who starts asking me what I've been doing for the past year, how I've been preparing for the PC, and if I'm still interested. Of course, I respond "Yes, can you tell me where and when?" In which I get a unofficial invitation which is a very general and broad description of my placement region, assignment and departure. He also tells me that the official invitation will be sent out right away. I've grown accustomed to the waiting game, so I leave for my vacation in New Orleans without much thought or worry. I figured it would be best for me to have the official invitation and description before spreading the word to family and friends - because even though I've gotten used to the waiting game, many of them haven't.
I return from New Orleans to find a massive packet of papers from the Peace Corps. I eagerly open it to find where I'll be spending the next 27 months of my life and am excited to see Nicaragua. (I'm hoping to improve my rusty Spanish skills). As I continue reading a wave of emotions comes over me and I get a little shocked by my departure date (August is coming up rather quickly) and then just seeing 2013 in writing got me.
I've been telling friends and family the good news and it seems that they're excited, almost more excited than me. Don't get me wrong I'm excited, but also a bit overwhelmed because I'm looking at all the paperwork and preparation that I really need to get done. Normally, I'm all for a good countdown to a vacation or event, but I think I may have to hold off on a countdown, at least until I can check off some items on my massively long to-do list. Speaking of which, I should probably get back to some of that paperwork....
My assignment: Environmental Educator in Nicaragua.
My departure date: August 30, 2011.
My service dates: November 21, 2011 - November 22, 2013.
I know I've been waiting for this information to reach me for what seems like forever, but now that it has I'm freaking out just a little bit. I think I'm just so overwhelmed because it's all just happening so fast now.
For almost a year now the only information I had was my nomination for Africa in July, well the time to be notified for that came and went without any word. Then I receive emails about budgets being cut and departure dates being pushed back as far as January 2012. At this point, I'm starting to lose my patience, and wonder what I'm suppose to do while I wait. Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long. I get a call from a PC Placement Officer, who starts asking me what I've been doing for the past year, how I've been preparing for the PC, and if I'm still interested. Of course, I respond "Yes, can you tell me where and when?" In which I get a unofficial invitation which is a very general and broad description of my placement region, assignment and departure. He also tells me that the official invitation will be sent out right away. I've grown accustomed to the waiting game, so I leave for my vacation in New Orleans without much thought or worry. I figured it would be best for me to have the official invitation and description before spreading the word to family and friends - because even though I've gotten used to the waiting game, many of them haven't.
I return from New Orleans to find a massive packet of papers from the Peace Corps. I eagerly open it to find where I'll be spending the next 27 months of my life and am excited to see Nicaragua. (I'm hoping to improve my rusty Spanish skills). As I continue reading a wave of emotions comes over me and I get a little shocked by my departure date (August is coming up rather quickly) and then just seeing 2013 in writing got me.
I've been telling friends and family the good news and it seems that they're excited, almost more excited than me. Don't get me wrong I'm excited, but also a bit overwhelmed because I'm looking at all the paperwork and preparation that I really need to get done. Normally, I'm all for a good countdown to a vacation or event, but I think I may have to hold off on a countdown, at least until I can check off some items on my massively long to-do list. Speaking of which, I should probably get back to some of that paperwork....
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Just go with it
I'm currently reading blink: the power of thinking without thinking and just finished he's just not that into you; two totally different styles of books, but both which I appreciate and can relate to their overall message of just trust your instincts. Gladwell says that "we live in a world that assumes that the quality of a decision is directly related to the time and effort that went into making it." I'm definitely guilty of falling into this trap and I am always over analyzing situations, trying to plan ahead and know what's coming in my future (I really dislike the unknown), and asking the WHY not just accepting something without an explanation. So reading these books have really got me thinking...do I trust my gut instincts? Am I really that indecisive? In hindsight, why didn't I trust my gut?
Some of my best decisions have come rather impulsively. These have made some of the best vacations, Miami, Las Vegas; experiences, skydiving, random outings; I blindly accepted my current job and even though there are definitely crazy days that make me think 'what am I doing?', overall it's been a wonderful experience and I've learned a lot.
I'm coming to the conclusion that I come off as indecisive because I'm a people pleaser. I don't like when others push their agendas and opinions on me, so I avoid doing that myself and I really don't like/want to piss people off. The more I think about it, I'm really not indecisive at all. I have an opinion on just about everything, I'm pretty judgmental and I know what I want; instead it's the others around me that get me acting all indecisive. Also, this Minnesota Nice and avoiding confrontation has me dragging the announcement of my decision out because why get everyone up in arms about my decision months in advance, when I can hold off for as long as possible.
Some of my best decisions have come rather impulsively. These have made some of the best vacations, Miami, Las Vegas; experiences, skydiving, random outings; I blindly accepted my current job and even though there are definitely crazy days that make me think 'what am I doing?', overall it's been a wonderful experience and I've learned a lot.
I'm coming to the conclusion that I come off as indecisive because I'm a people pleaser. I don't like when others push their agendas and opinions on me, so I avoid doing that myself and I really don't like/want to piss people off. The more I think about it, I'm really not indecisive at all. I have an opinion on just about everything, I'm pretty judgmental and I know what I want; instead it's the others around me that get me acting all indecisive. Also, this Minnesota Nice and avoiding confrontation has me dragging the announcement of my decision out because why get everyone up in arms about my decision months in advance, when I can hold off for as long as possible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)