Not my prince charming

I apologize for my lack of updates, but I would rather post funny antecdotes than bore you with my mundane tasks in life.
Rupert is getting bigger by the day and is a terror. It´s a good thing she´s cute because there have been moments where I would like to kill her. She´s no longer allowed to be indoors unsupervised because she´s destroyed 2 pairs of flip flops, pulled the tablecloth off the table along with my dishes, pots, pans, etc, somehow got into her food which was on the kitchen table (about waist high) and just general destruction of everything.
My wish of living in a rodent free house has been crushed; but the score is Lindsey 2, mice, not rats 0. I had one mouse living under my refridgerator. I´m not sure how long he was there for, but for a decent amount of time judging by the stock of dog food he had hidden. He was a bit mysterious and difficult to catch. After chasing him around the house, while screaming of course he would literally disappear into thin air. I was not alone, my friend who was wielding a machete (yes a machete) to kill a mouse can vouch for the witch mouse.   He luckily fled the house but was unlucky and lucky for me to be pummeled my a rock and killed instantly. The other mouse, I hope is burning in hell, was living in my clothes. One morning I was rummaging through trying to find the least stretched out and best smelling shirt when he scurried out, nearly up my arm causing a near heart attack for me. Again, he luckily fled the house through the many open doors and crevices and was later found dead near my backdoor. I´m hoping that those are the only unwanted visitors that enter my home and if more trepass they should be warned of their fateful future.
Drum roll please.....
This is the story you are all waiting for. I sleep under a mosquito net to prevent such diseases as malaria and dengue from infecting me, but also it´s my shield of armour, without it I don´t know if I would every sleep soundly. Unfortunately, it´s failed me. I was peacefully sleeping when something small and moist fell unto my lips. Of course, I shrieked and busted out my cell to give what little light it can provide to find the culprit. It took quite a bit of frantic searching but I found the little guy, it was a small tree frog. Luckily, it wasn´t poisonous and I didn´t obtain any warts from him; but nor was he my prince charming. I´ve literally kissed one frog, hopefully my only and it didn´t turn out like the fairy tales. DAMN! I guess that´s why Maroon 5 sings that fairy tales are full of shit...that´s right I was in the US and can make references to pop culture, probably not for much longer but for now I can.